Wednesday, June 20, 2012

secret of the easy yoke

"Let it be remembered that you cannot trust religious experiences. The first awareness of the Lord, the ecstasy of worship, the physical act of water baptism, the second, third, and hundredth blessing, are all what has happened IN you. Get your confidence on what has happened FOR you. The luster of your experience fades and shines according to your health, your circumstances, your frame of mind. But what the Saviour did for you when He died on the cross, what He is doing now for you living on the throne, and all that is yours in Him never changes because it depends on Him, not on you" 
-(Listening, a Christian magazine, Master's House, Box 5055, London, Ontario).

I just want to be honest here...

I really like this statement, and I really like this song.

I wish I could write something profound right now, but I'd rather just be honest.

I feel like sometimes honesty is the root of the most profound thoughts recorded. There's a rawness there. An authenticity. 

I feel like I was trying to be too profound in that last statement.

I don't know where to begin, or where to end, for that matter.

I keep typing things, and then deleting them.

I'll try to just write for now...after all...this is my outlet as it is...and I'm not going to try and mold it a certain way. It's just going to be what it is.

I feel more cynical and jaded than I have ever before in life. Except, in high school, I think I felt that way a lot. So maybe not. 

Where is Jesus Christ in all of this...?

Where is my Savior?

I write in fear that I will say or write or speak something at the very worst: heretical, at the very mildest: unscriptural, or at the very least: unfavorable in the eyes of select individuals.

But I'm done. I'm done trying to prove myself. 

I just wondered if heretical and unscriptural might mean the same thing, so I had to look it up. I guess I will uphold, (based on my brief research) that heresy is based upon entire doctrine, and the mote of being unscriptural may be a misuse of context of a verse or text.

I am desperately in need of a Savior...

In the midst of all of this...that is the only sure thing I know.

And I'm blessed to be reminded that in the midst of all this...all this confusion, messiness, pain, separation, heartache, disillusionment, disenchantment, hurt, shame, fear, and sadness...

He is there. He reigns. He is victorious. 

That is all I know. 

And He does...He bids me:

"Peace, be still."

7.8.2012 I think I just want to edit this a bit. Add a little bit to it.
It's true, I am afraid of stating something unscriptural or off-base biblically. I'm glad I got that out because it helps me to examine how very much I am concerned with how other people see me. It helps me see that my heart is in the wrong place in that respect. 

What I mean by this is that I should want to uphold the Word of God because it is the Word of God, not because I worry that others will see me a certain way...

My soul thirsts for the Truth of His Word. That's what I mean by this whole post. That's what writing all of this helps me to identify at the core of all of the confusion I feel right now. Confusion and hurt.

I think when I am ready and when I unravel it all a little more...when I get even more distance from it...I will write about it. When I am ready.

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